Doug’s Theory of Lawn Care Relativity

A couple’s lawn manicure level is directly proportionate to how much they like spending time with each other, our yards a mess because we would rather spend time together than mow, weed and rake. Our neighbor’s yard is meticulous, can you guess why our male neighbor spends all of the time he isn’t driving his tractor trailer, mowing weeding raking and shoveling, sometimes till way after dark?

I can

I could always tell when my grandparents were upset with each other

The lawn looked great

Grandpa would sometimes mow the lawn the very next day after he mowed it.

It’s just the way men cope with a wife that is being controlling and unpleasant

They avoid them by working outside

the moral of the story is that if your lawn looks really really good

maybe you should get some couples counseling

and if your husband would rather spread fertilizer, then you

maybe you need to consider counseling

rather than bragging about how nice you keep your lawn

and if you’re a bit jealous that your neighbors spend all of their free time together

maybe you should start trying to figure out why you’re so unpleasant to be around

instead of causing your neighbors problems

this of course

is purely hypothetical

and has nothing to do with any real person living or dead.

(he said with a straight face)