12 Gauges, Naked Hunting, and Break Dancing Coons

Last night I was on my way to bed

I went in to the bathroom

When I looked out the window

staring at me from the trash pile

Was a big ole-coon

I opened the window

I wanted to shoot the coon

 because my chickens have been nervous lately

And they have been sleeping on our blazer

I figure that the coon had been in their house

The problem was, that the screen was in the way

The other problem was that I was naked

So I couldn’t go outside

So

I did what any good redneck would do

I grabbed the 357 Magnum

And went back to the window

I figured that it would put a hole the size of my finger in the screen

I didn’t take into consideration

The expanding gasses from the shell

And the fact that they wouldn’t go through the little holes in the screen

I aimed at the coon through the screen

And I squeezed the trigger

The sound in the bathroom was deafening

There was a hole the size of a baseball in the screen

And to top it off I missed the coon

It was only about 40 yards away

I figured the coon was gone for the night

So I put the 357 back under my mattress

I went back to look out the window again

The coon was out there and he was getting back into the trash

I hadn’t used the 12 gauge last time because

I figured it was too loud

I have shot the shotgun at least 3 different times at midnight

And never woke anybody up

One shot never seems to get noticed

I figured the first shot might have woke people a bit

but not enough for them to realize what it was

I knew a second shot would get noticed

I had to protect Nugget and the tenders

So I got the 12 gauge

Stuck it through the hole in the screen

Steadied it on the windowsill

Standing in the nude around midnight

I squeezed the trigger

BOOM, the sound was deafening in that little bathroom

I looked to where the coon had been

It was bouncing all around

It was break dancing by the light of the full moon

I went back to the bedroom

Put the shotgun beside the bed

And lay down to go to sleep

I kind of chuckled laying there in the dark

Thinking about hunting naked from my bathroom

And moonlit break dancing coons

I was too busy to skin it today,

I might go out in the morning and skin it

I have always wanted a coon skin cap

(I didn’t eat it because I hadn’t cleaned it when I shot it,

 I didn’t want to be outside if the neighbors had called the police.

I don’t think it would be illegal to protect my animals

but I didn’t need the hassle.)

So That’s my story

Of

12 Gauges, Naked Hunting, and Break Dancing Coons