Tainted Mind

 

I have a problem being around people

Tonight I figured something out

My writers mind

And my life experiences that weren’t so nice

Have tainted my mind

 

I went to a children’s singing program

It was a normal everyday perfectly innocent gathering of people

 

But I saw more

I think I always do

 

I’m a people watcher

I always have been

And I think I read into so many things that aren’t there

Let me repeat that

They aren’t real and they aren’t there

 

Let me explain

Tonight I saw a man hug a child that wasn’t his own

It gave me the shivers

I almost got nauseated

It just felt so wrong

 

Besides that

I watched the faces of the children

I saw the little girl who never smiled

And in my head I could see her uncle or her dad

Sneaking into her room after mommy was asleep

 

I saw the little boy

That didn’t fit in his clothes

It wasn’t that they didn’t fit him physically

Because they did

He looked nice

But he didn’t belong in them

He belonged in a farmer’s clothes

He is and will always be connected to the earth

In a way that most of us aren’t

I could see it plain as day

 

I even saw the young lady that is going to die

in a fiery car crash when she is twenty five years old

this probably won’t happen

but I could see her face as if it had already been in the fire

 

this was the most disturbing

 

but the other things I see don’t feel right either

 

this one young lady

was dressed in a professional dress

she held herself so straight and proper

she looked like she would have fit in with a royal family

I felt so sorry for her

Because a little girl

Should play and have fun and not look as though

she spends all of her time walking with a book on her head

learning how to be proper

 

let me emphasize that none of this is real

 

it happens when I go to Wal-Mart too

I see a woman walk by

And I can feel the pain in her mind

The pain from her abusive husband

And it’s a husband this time and not a boyfriend

Did I see a ring and not remember it

Or can I just feel it

 

My mind has been tainted

Tainted with sadness and unfortunate events

That no child should know about

 

I see them everywhere

A look in their eyes

Or the way that she looked away as soon as we made eye contact

Was she afraid that she would get in trouble for looking at me

Or did she know that I knew

 

I have a writers mind

And I see the possibilities of reality

That others miss

 

I see things in others that I don’t want to see

Reflections of things that I have seen for real in other people

I see pain

Pain that isn’t real

Except for in my writers mind

 

That my friends was the epiphany

That I had tonight

That is why I have such a hard time being around people

 

That is why I feel so much better just being around my family

And no one else

 

It was just a wonderful little singing program

Filled with innocent people

In small town America

Where the crime rate is almost nonexistent

And people still leave their doors unlocked at night.

 

I have a

Tainted mind