I tried to deny it

I tried not to think about it

The truth is

that I am at one of the lowest lows that I have been in in months

I think most of it came from

running out of the diet pills

they did pep me up quite a bit

my truck is also down

nobody seems to be able to sell me a flywheel that matches the bolt pattern

there is also something on a personal note

that I am worried about

the difference in my reaction to the lows now

is that in the old days

I used to embrace them

and curl up in bed and sleep for 18 to 23 hours a day

I have slept a lot the past few days

but I find myself planning

for the time that I swing back up

I look forward to it

I want to make the most of the upswing that I get

I want to have everything ready

so I can get everything caught up and done

before the next drop

When you have bipolar disorder

you can either give in

and let it beat you

or you can learn the patterns

and use your up times to work twice as hard

so everything equals out

I may not beat this thing

but I will give it one hell of an effort

if you get knocked down

and you can't get all of the way back up

at least get up to your knees

crawl forward

never give up

keep pushing forward until you collapse

 get up again

and go further the next time

keep going

until you make it through the low times

work like hell during the up times

to gain as much ground as you can