June 29^th 2008

War Zone

Well' my friends this will be a lot of information packed into a short space so please don't judge the quality of the blog. I am just passing on information to my friends.

I am in Macon Georgia, I am sitting in a parking lot that is situated in the center of three neighborhoods that are primarily inhabited by crack heads. I live in a 20 foot by 40 foot tent. For the first few days I didn't have any security guards at night so I had to stay awake for 24 hours a day. After about 5 days I decided to try and put the tent flaps down so I could sleep. I paid a neighborhood guy five dollars to watch my tent and I walked across the parking lot to buy some motion censors and while I was there I also bought a 14" hunting knife. That night I closed the tent flaps and sat in my chair to sleep. Did I mention that this is basically the ghetto, well at about five minutes after one in the morning I saw four shadows outside the tent. They were talking and they started to break in to the side of the tent. When they got the latches open I stood up and threw my hunting knife about 15 feet and it sank into the side of the tent and into one of the criminals. I heard the knife fall out of the side of the tent and hit the ground with a heavy thwack. I didn't know for sure if I got him but I thought I did. When I heard my knife hit the ground my first thought was "oh shit now they have my knife." I ran around the table, picked up the knife and ripped open the tent flaps. I saw four teenagers running away they were about 30 yards away. I yelled "Did I get you" and started laughing maniacally. I then closed the tent and sat back down, the adrenaline was pumping and I wanted so bad for someone else to try and break in. This time I told myself I wouldn't throw the knife because I wanted to feel the blade going in. I sat and watched the shadows and after almost an hour the adrenaline had pretty much dissipated and I was feeling very alone and not so confident, I stood up put the knife down the back of my pants and went to put the tent flaps up. I got a small section up and three cop cars pull into the parking lot. I stepped down off of the cooler and pulled the knife out of my pants and secretly slid it onto the table and returned to putting up the walls. The police came up and asked me about the incident and asked me where my artillery was. The kids told him that I had shot them. I told him that I only had a knife and that I had thrown it and I didn't know if I had hit one or not. I told them they could search my tent and check my hands for gun powder residue. The detective kept asking where my gun was. I told him that I was worried about being out here alone and that I had tried to buy a gun from three different crack heads but nobody could get me one.  All three of them left and they didn't even take my knife.

            I put the tent flaps down and sat in the chair. I thought about the situation and texted some friends telling them the story. I figured the guys tried to rob someone else and had gotten shot. I hear gunshots all night here and I had heard one after they left. Well I must have dosed off because around 4:30 am the tent was flooded with light, I stood up and grabbed my knife and waited. A man exited his car and I prepared for battle, I had a feeling this would be my last job and last couple weeks of life and I was gonna make my last stand something to talk about.

            IT was only the detective, he came to tell me the kid wasn't shot and that I had stabbed him, I was kinda scared, crack heads and armed criminals don't scare me but the government sure does so I prepared myself for the worst and I was ready to go to jail. The detective told me he would stand up for me and under no circumstances would I get into any trouble. I was defending myself and the business that I was in charge of. He told me he would have to come down and get pictures of my knife and take a statement from me. I asked him if he just wanted to take the knife and he said he wouldn't do that because he didn't want to leave me defenseless. He told me in Georgia I couldn't buy a hand gun and for me to go down to the pawn shop and get a shotgun.

A couple of days later We had a guy come in and buy a dollar item with a hundred dollar bill, he did this so he could find out where I kept my cash to make change with. Not even an hour later a white Lincoln pulled in with four rather rough looking dark skinned gentlemen in it, I could tell right away they weren't here for fireworks. They came in an really looked around. They were casing the place, when they left I called my friend Lee and told him and I told him to watch for them. Sure enough they showed up there an hour or so later. Lee called the police, I guess that just wasn't my stile, I didn't even consider it, I just decided that this was war and there were no rules. I went and bought a shot gun, It is a 12 gauge and I believe that I will use it before I go home, "Behind a gun, I make my final stand. They call me bad company and I can't deny." Well you get the picture. I'm not a bad guy but I am a former marine and those who have dealt with me know that even though I may not always win, if you cross me you'll never forget me.

My boss decided to hire security, He is a country boy and he doesn't understand maters of war. He is paying more for security then we are bringing in here. We have a guy that trained police dogs and a former marine sniper as well as a couple more. The danger level was went down and the nights are for sleeping now instead of defense. That is their worry now.

In summing this up,

I found out the kid I stabbed was 14 years old, a bullet from a 14 year old rips through you the same as one from an adult. I feel no remorse and I didn't even feel bad when they told me he was in the hospital. The day after I stabbed him I looked at the blade, there was a faint trace of blood on it, I called my ex Dawn and I talked to her, when she said did you really stab someone. I felt tears come for a second then stop. For a marine, as long as your in the heat of it, your in the battle zone. You don't feel normal human emotions. There is still fear, there is sorrow but its not the same as when you interact with real people, just her voice brought me back from the battlefield into the living room, where 14 year olds play video games and watch movies. She always could make the bad go away, she chased away my demons and helped me to feel human again. She is distant and uninterested when I talk to her anymore. She has moved on and that does help me. In battle there is no place for loved ones and just knowing that I have nothing to lose will give me the ability to be fearless and a monster if I have to be. It's harder to kill somebody if you feel even the littlest twinge of love in your heart. Stone cold and alone, it's the only way to survive here.

I sit here now with my lap top in a box so nobody can see it, typing this and waiting for the next gun shots and the cry of the ambulance. I sometimes wonder if Tinydog and I will ever see home again but those are dangerous thoughts on the battle field. This is war, maybe not conventional war with tanks and planes but it is the war of survival, the kind of war that has been around long before there even were tanks and planes. I have been promoted from a lance corpral to a corpral. I am in charge of troops now and the war continues.

I long for the smell of gun powder and the coppery  scent of blood, at least until I get home and I can become a human again. Then there may be time for tears, we'll see.

Good bye my friends, I do hope to return home but if I don't, don't morn for me. I have led a full life and to be honest without Dawn it isn't worth living anyway.

Semper Fidelis – Always faithful, to God Country and Corps

OOH-RAH

This Devil Dog is feelin mighty fine.