I live in a sleepy little town of nowhere Arkansas. I am happy that I live here. I used to be somewhat rougher then I an here. I like this place. I don't have to be a bad ass. Most of my readers have only known the good Doug. You have only known the part of me that this sleepy little town brings out. I fear that my trip to Georgia and the honesty that I put into my blogs has sent some of you away from me. Maybe its me who has changed. I know that I don't feel the same. I feel tarnished. I let the darkness come back when I was in Georgia. I only did it to survive but It still came back, what's more I liked it.

I do miss the danger, When I was little I wanted to be a hit man. I guess that's why I joined the marines. I wanted to be a badass but I wanted to do it legally. I am confused. I loved this little town but I can't seem to find comfort here anymore. It is like the darkness has reached deep into my special world and started to corrode its inner workings. I think my trip to Georgia may have ruined the illusion for me that this place is special. The people are great but the story of the stabbing in Georgia beat me back here and now everyone asks me about it and the nice Doug isn't so nice now in their eyes. I worked so hard to get away from my past. I tried so hard to move on and I guess it is true what they say. You can never get away from your past. I come from a family of criminals. There is no place to hide from that.  

I will go on here and if I can't find that peace again I will move. The next time will be to a very secluded place. I don't want to be the guy that people are afraid of anymore. I want to be the good Doug. I want to help people and do things to make people smile.

Maybe it's just me. Maybe its people like me that destroy quiet little towns. Maybe by moving here I open the door for the darkness to get in. Maybe I will eventually be the reason for this little town's demise. I hope it isn't so. I hope that the shadow hasn't followed me here and that it isn't stalking the innocent on these small town streets. I would rather lose this place then to tarnish it. I will have to work harder to be a good person. I will do more to help people. I will do good until the darkness just can't stand to be around me anymore. I will win.

The Good Doug will survive.