I just have a sick feeling with the way the world works lately that the government will put these children back in harm’s way. Something just feels wrong, like there has been a shift. We have one more night after tonight to wait it out but I feel like we are heading into a storm. I know that I should have faith in the system but in the past the system has let so many children be harmed.

I'm afraid for them. I would give my life or my freedom to protect them but I have been made painfully aware that I am only one man and a fat old man at that. I know there are people out there that would rather have the children in the abusers home instead of in the home of a former bad guy like myself. I fought the reputation of my family for so long and I only broke the rules as a form of survival. I walked away as soon as I had a chance which was moving across the country to live in a tent.

All that I can say is that I've tried. Is that enough? How can any of us sleep at night or look our fellow man in the eye if we know that we could have done more and we didn't do it, Even if this action compromised our morals, our religion or our freedom? I tell myself there are children at risk for God's sake, but I sit quietly in the safety of my home repeating over and over in my head "I could have done more"

There is nothing more to say really, It’s out of our hands. Either the judge cares about children enough to protect them or he spoon feeds them to a monster. Either way we are powerless. I sit here as cars drive by; they are unaware that children in this house are teetering on the edge of something like this.

I sat in my house alone as a child, scared to death and cold wishing for the hand of God to come down and scoop me up to safety. Gods hand never came. Will these children be put in the same position? Will they wake up with their dad stoned or maybe even dead? Will they wake up surrounded by flames because daddy got high and his cigarette started a fire? Will they pray with tears in their eyes for God to save them?

Will I stand in front of God some day and hear the question "Why didn't you protect those children?" If I hear that what will my answer be? I sit here sober as a stone and say to you, I'm old, I'm all used up. I don't have what it takes anymore to put myself in harm’s way to protect the innocent. I know in my heart it isn't true. I could do more, I'm just afraid to lose what I have and in standing idol I fear the cracks forming in my soul. I’m giving up myself by not giving everything for them. What right will I have to ever smile again if I don’t find a way to protect them?

How can I ever tell anybody ever again that I was a Marine all those years ago if I let the kids go back into the home of a 3 time domestic violence offender that tried to kill his unborn child by kicking his wife in the belly while she was pregnant? The answer is I can’t, it would dishonor the Corps.

All those years ago I took a vow to protect those that couldn't protect themselves. Tonight I am ashamed of myself