I’m really starting to think that I over reacted to my own childhood trauma. I was always certain that watching my mother get hit all of the time and spending so many of my nights alone and scared was inappropriate for a child. After finding out this week that it’s ok for children to live like that, I have to question my own beliefs.

After all of these years, I believed that I understood right and wrong. The last couple of days I have done some serious soul searching.  I think that I understand now, I haven’t truly accepted it, but I understand.

I’m the one that is wrong. My beliefs are the ones that are odd. All that I’ve ever known to be true is in question now. All of these years, I thought that my mother was wrong for staying with an abusive man. I hated her for doing that, but it wasn’t her, it was me. I had unrealistic expectations; I was the one that wasn’t in touch with reality.

I know that I have been hard on all of you ladies that have been in an abusive relationship and went back to the man. I know that I’ve told you over and over to get out. I know that I’ve made you feel bad for not getting your children out of a situation where they had to watch you get hit. I am sorry, I was wrong.

I want to apologize from the bottom of my heart. I thought it was so wrong, I guess I’m just a bit off in the head to have believed that for all of these years. I’m a bit lost right now; I’ve had to completely rethink what I believe in as right and wrong. I’m not finished yet but I am certain of one thing, I was wrong for trying to help get the children out of a home where they have to see violence.  I was wrong to put all of my energy in to something that the rest of the world thinks is ok. I am a bit embarrassed for standing up for children that watched their father choke a woman.  I just didn’t understand that it was ok.

I want to give my apologies to the Izard county court system, and the lawyer that had to defend a man of something that I mistook as wrong. I want to apologize to the parents of the man that had to pay for the lawyer. Most of all, I want to apologize to everyone that I bothered with a situation that was blown way out of proportion. I should have realized in the first place that it was acceptable for them to see violence.

I think that part of the problem is that I gave up television about 5 years ago. I just pushed it away because I believed that most of the programming was inappropriate. That should have been my first clue. If I am the only one not watching television, then it isn’t the television that is unacceptable, the television programs aren’t bad, the problem lies with me. I’m the one that’s out of phase, I’m the one that is off.

Here is another example, When were in the car and a song that has lyrics that I think are inappropriate for the children came on, I change the channel. I am wrong; I have deprived the children of things that society obviously sees as acceptable for children, because if it weren’t accepted it wouldn’t be broadcast on the open airwaves.

 I tried to do the same thing with the violence at their father’s house. I was wrong, I understand now that just because in my warped mind, that I think violence is inappropriate for children, that it really isn’t that bad and I was the bad person for trying to shield them from that.

I sit here writing this, humbled and sad, I am truly sorry to everyone that had to read about my crazy beliefs and my silly ideas about children.

I’m even starting to rethink the foolishness of a 42 year old man going to college. It’s obvious that I have no idea what is acceptable in the real world, how on Earth will I ever put my education to a good use if I can’t seem to comprehend simple parenting skills. I’m not sure if I’m going to continue on after my ASB degree. It seems like a waste of money for someone that is this far out of touch with reality. I think maybe I’ll just go deeper in to the hermit life and stay away from the world that I don’t understand.

I am so sorry to everyone. I thought I was doing the right thing.

I offer my sincere apologies to all of the women that had their feelings hurt when I told you that you need to get your children away from the abusive man that you were with, I was wrong and I hope that I didn’t cause you too much heartache. It’s perfectly acceptable for you to stay right where you are; you’re doing a good job, your children are right where they should be.

I also want to apologize to any man that had their wife or girlfriend leave them because of my inappropriate advice. It’s your wife, if you want to hit her in front of your children than that, from what I have recently found out, is perfectly acceptable behavior of a role model. I’m sorry that I stuck my nose in where it didn’t belong, smack away, maybe you could even get a video camera so you could make a highlight real for the whole family to watch on Christmas and Thanksgiving. Don’t forget the Orville Redenbacher popcorn, try the double butter, it’s my favorite; don’t worry about the cholesterol, that’s probably just a misinterpretation of the facts.