I am totally amazed

at how quickly my health has deteriorated

over the last 6 months.

 

It was bad 6 months ago

but I can’t even get dressed

without having to stop to catch my breath

 

We are going to the hospital

Sunday or Monday

I wouldn’t go at all if it weren’t for Mandy

I’ve had a good life

And I’m ready to go

Whenever it’s my time

But I’m really enjoying my life with Mandy

So I might as well make it last as long as I can.

 

The last couple days have been bad

When I walk somewhere

I get a kind of tunnel vision

And I can only see my destination

It takes everything I have to breathe

And keep walking

 

If I do need a stent

and it does help me move around more

I should be able to drop some weight

 

I would love to run again

but I’ll settle for being able to go shopping

without having to rest every 5 minutes

 

I’ve put on a hundred pounds

since my breathing has gotten bad

which has made my breathing harder

which makes me more lethargic

which helps me to gain more weight

and so on

its like one big circle

 

I’m not the least little bit scared

I’m ok with dying when its my time

But now that I’ve found Mandy

I would like to hang out here on Earth

a while longer

 

When I do go

If I’m meant to come back

I don’t think it will be soon

I need a long rest

Before I would want to try this again

 

I’ve gained a lot of knowledge so far

I’m happy with my progress

I don’t know how many times I’ve been here

Or how many times I’ll need to come back

Before I’ve gained enough knowledge to go home

But I think I’m getting closer.

 

If I don’t get back

to being able to do things in this body

Maybe I’ll be able to

skydive and mountain climb

in the next one

 

I love the fact that I found Arkansas and Mandy

I’ve been looking for her for many years.

Maybe next time it won’t take as long

To find her

 

If the doctors trip goes well

I’ll be around another 15 to 20 years at least

Baring any accidents of course.

 

That’s a long time to fish, pan for gold,

And do fun things.

 

I’m looking forward to the doctor visit.

I don’t let myself get excited about much

But I’ve got my hopes up about getting better.

 

I’m looking forward to more time with Mandy.