My Life Has Changed

 

Over the last 24 hours

My life has changed

 

I waited 2 years thinking

that something was really wrong with me

I didn’t have health insurance

So I couldn’t go to the doctor

To get the tests

Without going way in to debt

 

I restricted my activities

And movement

Because I feared that

I had something really wrong with me

 

Yesterday I started to pass out

While feeding the animals

I held on long enough to sit down

But I realized that I could no longer

Stay out of debt

 

I went to the hospital

Stayed over night

And had a whole series of tests

It turns out that I’m perfectly healthy

 

I lived in fear for two years

Because I knew that

I could never pay that much money back

 

Now its done

Were in deep debt

 

There is no explanation for the tunnel vision

Or for almost passing out

Several times

But the fact is that my heart is healthy

I don’t have blood clots in my lungs

Or in my legs

Except for weight

I’m fit as a fiddle

(well except for the passing out and stuff)

 

So now we will have a huge debt

But I am going to go back

to living my life and working out

I’m going to make my body pay for its insolence

 

If there is going to be pain

I

Will cause it

 

If I’m going to black out

I will have earned it

 

I am putting everything aside

Because after two years

I now know that these things

weren’t caused by my heart

being blocked

 

Today I weigh 371 pounds

I’ve put on a hundred pounds

In about a year and a half

basically because I just couldn’t breathe

 

apparently the not being able to breathe

is all in my head

 

that being the case

I can control it

 

I’m going to go back to the old ways

The weight loss techniques

That I know work

 

Last night my blood pressure was 158/107

I will not let that stop me

Because there is no reason for it to be that high

Therefore it isn’t

And even if it is

I don’t care

 

My heart and lungs are fine

So I’m going to kick my body’s ass

 

if this kills me

I’ll die with a healthy heart

 

No more games

I’m setting a goal of

A weight loss of 100 pounds

In 6 months

That means by January 26 2012

 

I lost 60 pounds in 3 months before

And that was easy

So I know that I can do this

 

I’m going to wait 48 hours

for this hole in my arm to heal properly

and then its go time

 

I’ve dreamt of this for a long time

I’m healthy enough to work out

So I’m doing it.