Today Has Been Very Humbling

When I was little

I never really let myself be proud of anything

There really wasn’t any point to it

Because as soon as you did something

you were proud of

it was taken from you

with criticism and put downs

I remember one time

My mom said to me

“You could Phuck up a wet dream”

I carried that sentence for so long

Every time I did something stupid

It would come back to me

I would hear her saying it

As if it were that day

So many years ago

It haunted me until about 2 years ago

It came back 15 to 20 times a day

I’ve let myself become happy

And I’ve allowed pride to creep in

Her words just seemed so far away

I haven’t even thought about it

Except for maybe 2 times in the last 2 years.

It’s all that I can think about today

Its echoing inside my hear over and over

I’ve been foolish to think

That I was anything more than trash

They say that in America

You can become whatever you dream of

But that’s only on the outside

On the inside

Your always nothing

I believed that I could become a normal person

I believed that I could be successful

The truth is

All I’ll ever be

Is the guy that can

Phuck up a wet dream

Nothing more.

Its true what they say

You can’t polish a turd.

I’ve been so gullible

I don’t want to believe

that success is an option anymore

I think that it’s time to be who I am.

It’s so much easier to accept failure

then it is to dream

and then lose the dream.

I wonder if I’ll get charged

if I drop out

before the semester starts

no sense in prolonging the lie.

why didn't I just listen to everybody

in the first place