Competition confuses me – A work in progress

Competition confuses me. I've never understood it. I don't really understand peer-pressure either.

It might be that I didn't think myself worthy of competing with others

Maybe it was that I knew that I wouldn't be around the people long enough to care what they thought about me

I guess it could be that I was a perfectionist and nobody lived up to what I thought they should be so I didn't think that competing with them meant anything. I always competed with myself. I pushed myself harder and further each time that I ran, did setups, or anything. I really don't even do that anymore. I guess all this fat just weighs too much to think that I can do anything. When I'm sitting here I think about everything. I want to run, I want to dig, I want to split wood, but when I get out there just walking is overwhelming.

The thing that brought this up was a memory. When I was little my grandparents stopped at a little carnival of some kind. I don't remember much of it but I remember a big box of sawdust that had pennies in it. when the person said go we were supposed to dig through the sawdust and find the pennies.

A little boy threw sawdust in my eyes so he could get blind me and get more pennies. I was so surprised. It never even occurred to me to cheat. I remember crying and getting out of the box and I remember that after my grandparents consoled me that I saw the little boy walk up to his dad. I though, now he’s going to get it, but I was wrong. The boy’s father congratulated him. Years later it occurred to me that the dad probably taught him that. How else would a little person know to do that?

Most of my life, I’ve walked away when I could but for a short time I became the aggressor. It was a time in my life that I know that I was way off of my path.

I’m back to being passive now. I never understood competition even when I was being aggressive. For me it was just survival.  I did what I had to, to survive. I am ashamed of my actions back then but it was a time of learning.

As time grows on I lose more and more touch with humanity. I care less and less about belonging.  It is a lot easier to live by my set of morals when I don’t have to deal with humans.  Most humans have an agenda even if that agenda is just trying to convert you to their religion or political party.

I’m dumbfounded by the politicians this year. I’m really at a loss. I’ve seen a few really stupid things done by some of them. One politician said on camera that he would like to see every American held at gunpoint and made to sit and listen to a certain preacher. There are a couple more that just sound like they barely made it through high school. The thing that worries me is that there are actually people that believe them and are planning to vote for them. I’m talking about every day hard working people that are opposed to getting rid of tax loopholes. It’s like they believe somewhere inside of themselves that their little blue color job puts them on the same level as the billionaires.

I think that most of the people that I’ve seen that believe the Republican politicians have either sat and listened to the spin on tv or the radio long enough to believe it. Some of them have sat in church and listened to a preacher tell them that republicans are right because they are conservative. Most anybody that I’ve met that is open minded understand that both democrats and republicans lie. I guess it’s just the blind following that gets me. Is it wanting to belong? Is it lifelong brainwashing? Is it that some people really believe that their 40 hour a week job puts them on the same level as the rich? I don’t have an answer for that.

I don’t follow anybody blindly. I would vote Republican if I could back up any of it with research but I just haven’t been able to. I haven’t even been able to back up most of the Democrat ideas with fact but the theories of the plan to get more people back to work sound good to me.

If I could tell you the thing that I dislike the most it would be something that I discovered from my youth. It was something that I saw with Latino gangs (I’m sure it is the same in any gang but my experience was based on Latino gangs).

I saw the gang members back up their fellow gang members even when they knew they were wrong. It was very obvious that they were wrong. I even heard one woman say that she knew the person was wrong but they backed them up anyway.

This is how I see most hard-line political people. They see some of the really stupid things but they back up their party because they are Republican or they are Democrat. I just can’t handle that kind of stupidity. I’m not democrat or republican, I’m American, and that only goes so far. If I see America do something that I don’t believe in then I’m going to either state my opinion or just hang my head in shame.

I don’t support the two wars were in. I don’t believe that three buildings fell in to their own footprint because two of them were hit by airplanes. I don’t believe that the Republicans have the best interest of middleclass Americans in mind, and I don’t believe that we hear the real news most of the time. I was a Marine; I know for a solid fact that what was played on the evening news wasn’t what really happened in Panama. I know it for a solid fact. My theory is that if they lied about that than the rest is questionable.

I also know this, our president is black. There are a lot of people that don’t like that fact. I happen to love it. There are people that don’t like him for his race, his religion, and the fact that he is a Democrat.

The fact is that he is just a man, he doesn’t have the power that most people think that he does, it’s the people’s confidence in our nation’s ability that creates or loses jobs. Its things like NAFTA that lets companies move to Mexico without any import fees that inspire them to move out of our country. It’s things like huge wages and benefit packages for union workers that cost us jobs. Its basic supply and demand. If someone can get things done cheaper somewhere else and increase their profits then they are going to do it. If they can hire workers for less money they will do it and if you can buy something at Walmart for less than you can buy an American product you’re going to do it. Its supply and demand pure and simple.

 Everything in the world is in competition with everything else. Land in certain areas costs more than in other areas, foreign products cost less than domestic products and people that make money from oil want you to stay dependent on oil. That’s just the nature of the game. Over time things reach an equilibrium.  When Americans are willing to work for less per hour and we put the import taxes back in to place by repelling NAFTA we will start getting more jobs back.

The president doesn’t have the power to get you a job. He can introduce a plan to get you one but it has to be voted on. You get a job based on your abilities, your education level and your skill. If somebody is better at something then you are then they will probably get a job while you find someone to blame.  The president can’t even pass a healthcare bill. He can propose one but it has to be voted on. You’re in competition with everyone else. Increase your skills and you’ll be more valuable as an employee.  I don’t like it but it’s the truth.

Presidents can affect your life greatly. When Bush senior started the original NAFTA agreement with Canada it was a pretty good idea, when he started the second part that added Mexico and Clinton signed it, it wasn’t a good idea. That was something done by a president that affected you.

When Bush junior took us to war without approval from the Government it affected you but there are very few times that presidents have the power to affect your lives, most things have to be voted on.

What am I saying?

I’m saying that everything has an effect on everything else. Supply and demand, the basic principle behind capitalism, that’s what affects your job. If the price of oil goes up, milk costs more because of the cost to transport it so we buy less and people that work in the dairy industry get laid off.  Its all related.

That being said, if people would stop putting energy in to hating a man that really has very little effect on most of their lives and they would accept that everything changes in this world they might be able to accept responsibility for their own actions and form a new plan for their future.

I know this ended completely different then it started but I’m leaving it like this. It’s pure and that is important to me. I may revise parts of it later but the original will still be here.


Update: