I'm not planning too much today, yesterday was too disheartening.

 I'm just going to do some dishes and mop the floor, maybe some laundry.

 I'm pulling back my ambition a bit.

I really am starting to believe that there will always be something or someone to take away what you've earned, pride included. I thought growing up would change that but it turns out that the world really is like 6th grade. There is always a bad person to take what you have, live is an illusion.

I want to apologize to all of you. I've tried to say positive things, I've tried to inspire everyone in to thinking that you could get ahead if you work hard. It was only a pipe dream.

The fact that we've acquired a couple properties in the last few years and we have a nice car and a few toys mean nothing. These are only things, anyone can get things. Whats inside of us matters and when you deal with humans there is always someone ready to take what you've built inside.

I think my original theory where I said that "the only thing they can't take from you is your word" was correct.

People say pride is bad, I think they are right. I started to become proud of myself, it was the first time in my life. It lasted a few months but I think I knew the truth inside. I knew it would go away some day.

What’s the difference between me and a pothead? A pothead gets to smoke weed, that's basically it. I live in a crappy trailer, the people around me don't like or trust me, I'll never amount to anything more than what I am. Everything is the same except that I don't get to smoke weed. I guess I have one advantage, I won't go to jail for illegal drug use but that's really the only advantage. I think I'm starting to see why there is so much illegal drug use around here.

That being said, I'm not going to go out and become a pot head. I think I might quit trying to move forward though. It takes too much energy to keep trying, knowing that there will always be someone that is ready to take what I’ve built in my heart.