Today I think we lost Einstein. It’s strange but I saw him this morning walking outside of the goat fence. His head was bobbing, the poufy feathers were flopping back and forth and I knew it would be the last time that I ever saw him.

I even debated going out there and trying to catch him so I could keep him safe. I didn't do it because I thought it was just paranoia.

I regret not acting on my feelings now.

He may show up tomorrow but I doubt it. He is always in his bed or roosting in one of two places every night before dark.

I waited a long time to get my floptops, now both of them are dead. I think that it is for the best. Now I don’t have to fear the day that it happens. I think that it is easier to lose something that you love than to fear losing it.

Einstein and Beaker, I will miss you my friends. When Ellie may ripped your fence down I knew it wouldn’t be long before I would lose you.  I didn’t have the means to fix your fence. I’m glad that your final days involved running around free. It was nice to see you in the yard. Sometimes I could even feel your happiness.

Do you want to know the worst part? I think that I just had your killer on my lap. I have no proof but on the day that you disappeared, I heard him attacking something under the trailer.

To be honest my friend I hope you’re gone. I hope it was quick and I hope you forgive me for not being a better person and protecting you better.

Caring about animals really isn’t a good idea. I think that I need to harden my heart.