I remember the time when things changed. I was just talking about it last night.

It was at the rifle range at camp Pendleton.

I went from being a normal person to someone that just couldn't seem to grasp reality.

I remember the night that it happened. I was in my rack. It was dark. I could see a little. That night I had fallen asleep at attention. We had to lay at attention until the drill instructor said we could sleep. I fell asleep before he said it and I slept for a couple hours at attention. I woke up in the middle of the night, my muscles hurt so bad from me holding them stiff for so long. That night I used my flash light to see and I wrote a 13 page letter to my mom. I could hear the artillery in the distance and I could feel the concussion of the rounds in my soul. The letter must have scared my mom but that didn’t really matter because there was no way that anybody could change things. The damage was done. I don’t know what happened and it really doesn’t matter.

I don't understand it completely but from what I've been told by the doctors the 16 hour days combined with the exhaustion caused by my sleep apnea sent me in to my first Manic episode. From that day on the Bipolar Disorder was overwhelming. I've never been the same. Within a day of getting home from Boot camp my mother had me in the hospital. I've been in 10 more times since then.

The funny thing is that I look normal on the outside.

Sometimes it’s hard to be the crazy guy without a job.

I can honestly say that I hope 2012 is my last year. I’m tired of being a burden on society.