The Theory of Doogielution

 

I dream of living in a cabin.

I see them in movies

they all have fire places

or wood burning stoves

 

I could install a wood stove in a cabin because it would just be us against the weather

 

but I can't seem to install one in our trailer because it needs to be done "right"

 

why is that

 

One of the best things about Arkansas is the lack of regulations. I made sure before I bought this land that it had "No Restrictions" on it. I can put anything out here that I want that isn't an environmental hazard except for a septic system which is regulated.

 

I can build a tar paper shack or move a house trailer in without asking the law if its ok

 

so what is my problem with the wood stove?

 

Our place already leaks so bad that another leak wouldn't make a bit of difference.

 

am I afraid of fire?

 

I don't think so

 

I have read and reread the safety requirements

 

I know how to do it safely

 

 

there is just something different about structured life and the wilderness

 

I don't understand it.

 

This isn't the only situation

 

When it comes to welding

 

I can't hook up our welder

 

I can't hook up our electric stove

 

its all too real

 

I can study it

 

I know how to do it

 

I have read the instructions and the theory behind why these things work and how to make them do what they are supposed to do

 

but actually doing any of it is beyond my minds ability to see it as a reality.

 

 

 

Yesterday I changed the tires on our trailer. I used the manual tire changer. It went just as I had read about and studied about. It was awesome

So our wood burning stove, our kitchen stove, our table saw, and our welder, all sit unused.

but why

We have the wood to build the things that we need to build

 

But it sits outside under a tarp

We have a BMW and a 68 Mustang in our yard

but they sit

unused

untouched

alone in their forgotten world of yesterday

and I sit here

just dreaming

We have been paying rent on our store for over two years

and it just sits there

it is a dream

is that all that will ever be?

will I always be a virtual person?

This week I felt like there was a chance that the virtual stuff was in the past

but today

I can’t wrap my mind around reality for long enough to make anything real.

I fear that I shall pass from this world

and I’ll only be an untested theory

that will someday be proven

 

To have been somebody’s crazy dream

 

A dream that served little purpose

 

Other than being a distraction

 

From reality

For a weak mind searching for answers

 

In a world where kindness and peace

Have no place

Other than in the mind of weak men.