This Too Shall Pass

Listening to heavy metal and trying to understand these animalistic urges that I get.

Today there is a darkness stirring inside of me that is so familiar and comforting. It reminds me of the days when having a problem with someone meant eventual confrontation and blood loss.

That way of thinking was so empowering and the Godlike energy that flowed through me when I beat somebody down was like life itself was flowing through my veins.

Part of me wants to blow up the world and tear people to pieces with my bare hands, feeling the sticky warmth of their blood as it dries on my hands.

I've moved past all of that but it still feels so right some times.

I'm glad to be getting older now. I'm glad that those feelings are few and far between but it is so tempting to just give in to that darkness and burrow deep in to its comforting arms.

I've never been the in your face kind of bad A$$. I was the guy that took care of business when it was needed and just went on with life. I never saw a point to threats. People who threaten others need attention. I never wanted that kind of attention. In fact those things were best left in secret. It was just something you did to survive.

I'm glad I'm older now

This will pass but right now I'm feeling that power rushing through my veins. Right now I long to hear the words "Oh God, please don't hurt me, I'm sorry" I long to look in to those eyes while I smile just a little, and I put the bad guy down.

Now days I let the law handle things

but I do so wish that someone would break in here. Today that isn't just a wish, I lust for that feeling of vengeance while I hear those words.

But alas, I will sit here and clean the house and work on the trailer and I'll be a good little boy.

These feelings also bring the urge for no holds bared crazy screaming Earth shattering sex. I don't understand the connection.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09LTT0xwdfw

Can you feel that? Mmmmmmmm it feels so good to lust for the kill.