I was born into a cesspool of dysfunctionality

 

When you’re born into a family

That considers yelling

And hitting

An everyday part of life

It’s hard to see the world as anything different

 

Every once in a while

A child that is born

Into such a life

Finds a guiding light

 

 

Peace was shown to me

In the eyes of my grandfather

Whom I lived with

While my mother was in prison


but my grampa,

though strong in his peace,

was weak in his ability

to stand up for himself

He chose peace over

standing up to my grandma

 

My grama was dysfunctional

She enjoyed the drama

She searched for it

Every minute of the day

When she couldn’t find it in real life

She either created it

Or she just watched it

In her soap operas

My real salvation

Came in the strength

Of my Aunt Babe

 

She stood up for herself

In a way that I

had never seen before

 

She did it in a way

That didn’t involve

Screaming and hitting

When something came up

She dealt with it as it was happening

She didn’t let it build up and fester

Until she exploded

She didn’t make threats

She just handled it.

 

My Aunt Babe is a success

 

I used to be uncomfortable

With the way that she

Handled things

She didn’t worry about

hurting people’s feelings

she didn’t let people hurt her feelings

that was something that I couldn’t understand

 

One day I saw the strength in her actions

 

Over time

I started trying to adapt my actions

To the way that she would do things

 

Slowly I started to see a different world

A peace

Started to rise out

Of the muck and the mire

 

As time went on

I continued to grow

I sought out counseling

And learned coping skills

 

Six years ago

I stood up

And decided that this is my life

I decided that my family’s wants

Didn’t have to hold me back

I didn’t have to be miserable

 

Their happiness

Wasn’t my responsibility

 

I sold everything that I couldn’t carry

I bought a tent and a piece of land

And I moved across the country

To live my dream

 

Today

I have a life

that I could never

have imagined was possible

 

Recently

Someone that can’t let go

Of the ties

To his dysfunctional family

Has drug the sadness

Back in to my life

 

This morning

I did something

that made my daughter cry

I’m sorry that it made her sad

But after seeing

what life is like

without all of that

pain and drama

 

I can’t allow myself

to be drug back in to it

I love her very much

but I’m hoping

that some day

she looks back

and realizes

that my actions

can be her guiding light

 

and her hand up

out of the muck and the mire

 

but

even if that isn’t the case

I have to

Do what I can

To keep my peace

And stay sane